Upgrade number 3. I wasn't going to even work on the site tonight. I can't stay focused on a project for more than 2 days, it drives me nuts. I try to dedicate myself to learn something and that holds for about 2 days befor I fall back to my old ways. My old ways being playing video games and watching movies. It gets even worse because half the time I'm not even playing a game but just looking at my library or some bullshit. I spend even more time staring at my phone getting into arguments or doomscrolling twitter. I think the real problem is the phone. I always tell myself it's the game but really it's the phone that stops 90% of any productivity I would have accomplished. There's plenty I need to do but I just put it off constantly playing games and scrolling my phone. Really makes you want to throw the phone and live in the woods just to refind your center. But you also need to have other people around just to keep you from going crazy. But again, at this point in my life it feels like I can't talk to anybody. Truly connecting with anybody on anyhing is incredibly difficult to do so I mostly find myself just sitting quietly. Even still, every time I do speak it always feels like I say too much, no matter who I say it to it's like I never understand why I even spoke up in the first place. They don't get it and then I overexplain it for them to further not understand and become even more confused. I haven't talked to a reasonable mind in a while. The most reasonable conversation you can find is usually with a stranger but that's just because you can write off everything you say to them because you know you won't ever see them again. So i guess the conversation isnt reasonable but it wont be so much weight on the mind.
I'm watching The Gray Man in the background, never seen it, still can't really say I've "seen" it as I am hardly paying attention while writing this but I'm gonna be honest, movie kinda sucks. Everytim I do look over it's not realyl gripping me. Anyway, the other day some lady got shot in Minnesota by ICE agents. Unfortunate situation, I know some of you spazzes on here are thirsting for blood in the streets. Me personally, I'd prefer if we could avoid it as we should be focused on making AI actually smart enough and robots sophisticated enough, to take some of these fucking jobs off people's hands so no one has to work anymore. Or at the very least not work as hard or as often. Let the working class relax and anyone that wants to advance can still make money being an entrepeneur or whatever but have a lil UBI of some kind. I know it's probably impossible but that would be pretty tight. There would still be plenty of jobs but whatever brighter minds than me can figure out how it works I'm not here to solve AI. No, that's not what I'm here for at all! Now, what I am here for is to spread awareness and connect with the people. I want to know what the people need! Mmmm wait a minute... that's not right either. I've seen what you people praise and I'm not interested per se. I don't want to shut any up, but I would like to create safe spaces for every conversation to be had. These safe spaces will be literal spaces, like a dome room, like one of those igloos you see at outside restaurant tables during the winter, except mine would be sound proof, and then let people have all the conversations they want in an igloo like that. Not every thing needs to be yelled at the president or whatever form of authority there is. I don't understand why people take authority seriously, outside of respect for the system, if someone is not holding a gun to your face, there is nothing stopping you from living the life you want to live. No one should be hurting anybody, that's not what I'm saying, but sometimes you gotta let off a little steam. There's nothing wrong with that.
Ok this movie is starting to get OK. Kinda weird they have that little girl from Once Upon A Time in Hollywood and she does the same thing in this movie, just dropped wisdom on the MC for no reason. Oh shit she just died. I dont know what this girl is to Ryan Gosling, I think also an assassin idk. Ok I should have been paying attention to this movie it's getting not bad. Enough about the movie, I have real shit to say. Just let me think of it first... like uhhhh, how bout, what's the deal with people these days, it's like they have all the world's information available at their fingertips in a moments notice, and yet they're more retarded than ever! (Jerry Seinfeld) I've noticed my phone is basically my second brain. I can't remember shit if it's not saved in my phone somewhere. And 99% of the things saved never get revisted. Can't tell you how many bookmarks I have on twitter and even on my laptop that I add like "wow this will come in hady for sure, 100% no doubt about it," just for me to never go back to them never ever again. The same way I tell myself I'm going to reread these and edit them for typos and what not, I know in my heart of hearts that I'm not going to do that. I just won't. I'm like that with a lot of things in my life now. Things I could take care of in a shortish amount of time, I just never ever do. Taking my car into the shop, things like that, and it all costs money to do. Has there ever been a decade in life where it is not the most expensive time to be alive of all time, because that's certainly true today. Ok I've been writing for 40 minutes, this is all garbage I've said absolutely nothing, sorry for wasting you time.
4:09 am January 5, 2026,
Captain's log, we've been stranded for days. What food we have left won't last us much longer. The men have started hunting and scavenging about the area but soon I fear there won't be much left for them to find, and sooner still I fear the men will regress to the savage ways of days before gentlemen. When all that will be left is a dying fire, and eachother. Hunger ravaging our bodies in such a violent way there won't be a way to think straight. And soon there will be nothing left to do.. absolutely no other option... than to have our way with each other right then and there...
Yeah that took a turn. I kind of lost it about halfway through there, my bad. Enough goofin around! Let's get serious for a second. Day 2, we'll see how much longer I can keep up this charade, this absolute masquerede, this performance we call living. I mean blogging. I mean, whatever the hell this is, building a website? I fear actually, I fear sometimes. You know what I fear? I fear that no matter what I do I can't help but come across like a huge faggot in my writing. It's like no matter what style I choose I can't make it feel natural. That's pretty much what this is for though, just to get some reps in y'know? I just had an idea, because I can't upload mp3s to the site yet for them to autoplay, I can just put a link to the shit I want you to listen to while reading my gay ass thoughts. My gay ass dumb ass faggot ass retarded ass thoughts. I'll probably do that like once a month. Just have a tourrettes break of self deprecation. Nah, it won't always be self deprecating, just wait til something really set me off. I was too tired to snap last night and to be real with you, I did not sleep until the Lions game today. Of course I fell asleep in the 3rd quarter and the Bears come back and make it a game but we still won so it's all good. And the game did not matter at all because we fucking suck but it's alllll good. I got a little 2 hour nap in and now here I am right back where I started 19 hours ago. I'm gonna figure out how to make a side bar on my damn main page so I can make it clear where to find this damn blawg. Ok taking a break
This is the real deal. The big leap. The first blog post into the stratosphere, destined to be ignored by the masses again, but to be fair to the masses, I have yet to provide anything of actual worthwhile. Right now it is 9:38 in the morning January 4, 2026. We just passed the apex of our solar trip and we've made it a long way and still seemingly went, no where at all. At 27 years old life has kind of started slowing down at a time that feels like it should be rocketing now more than ever. When I was growing up I didn't expect to "have it all figured out" by now, I was no nearly naive enough for that. But, I certainly didn't expect to be so far behind where I thought I would be at by now. It seems like my life has more or less stagnated even when I try and make a big move. I've changed jobs, been unemployed, tried things I'd been anxious about my entire life, and no matter what I do I feel like nothing really goes anwhere. Nothing I've started has felt like "I need to find a way to do this for the rest of my life." The only thing that ever really did was comedy but I am hated at open mics so I kind of got lost on how I'm supposed to get booked if everyone hates you when you perform. And I promise I'm not a bigoted comic, although I can see the perception some of it may come across tone deaf sometimes but what can you do. I could sit here all morning and break down the different ways I've been perceived on-stage, the point being that I just got lost with comedy but when you don't know where to go it's kind of hard to pursue. So in the meantime I look for a real job for security, although that's just as much of a pipe dream as becoming a comedian. Honestly, as I sit here the more I think about it the more I think my chances of being a comedian are better than finding a regular office job that pays a living wage. That also said, I've never had an office job, I've only ever worked blue collar.Some would call me a bum. Some wouldn't care. Me personally, I am the last person to give a shit about what someone does for work or how much money they have but I figured this was an introduction. I never understood people who only want to talk about work. Even if you are someone that struggles to make conversation, there are a million things to talk about that aren't work. Strangely, usually the most talkative people just talk about work. It's only worth talking about if you are an astronaut or something, something rare that no one ever is. No, a doctor is not an interesting job, unless you wanna tell horror stories from the ER, then I'll hang out. As much as I hate the type of person, a Hollywood actor would be cool to talk about for a time.
Anyway, what else we got to talk about? My page my rules: I spent the day playing satisfactory when I should have been signing up for some classes to finsih my accounting degree (that I have no faith in using). I really don't want to spend the money on classes though. I also need to transfer my debt from one credit card to another but I'm just a dumb retarded idiot so I just put it off for so long that I keep paying the insane interest on the card I have and am simply throwing money in the trash. That is the cost of procrastination.
So I will talk about that in a second, but I have to say this. I have to give the truth to the internet, especially on a site like this where the userbase is the main people who push this false narrative about my favorite TV show. The main characters of Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia are NOT inherently bad people. They show this time and time and time again. They give both sides very honestly and tastefully that it's impressive. The characters have tons of redeeming qualities even when they are making the "worst" decisions and being assholes they are really more accurate representation of just a normal person than taking one side or another or acting completely unselfishly like so many people in tv and movies do. That's why Seinfeld/Curb is similarly great, the characters are selfish as hell. No they aren't role models, but the way the internet paints them as these insane caricatures of the worst people on the planet, should be a lot more telling about the viewers than the characters. The characters as much as they shit on each other, are also constantly looking out for eachother, even if it's out of spite for the other. Now, I could genuinely break down on this for an entire blog post of it's own because, like I said, it is my favorite show and I've seen every episode 6 million times and counting so, maybe one day if I get riled up enough. For now let me get back to this paper, Im a couple bands down but I'm trynna get back, sum sum got a flip for 5 stacks, I been playing too much 2k, that song's on there. I'm gonna have MJ playlist running on my page its gonna be so fresh on this bitch omg can't wait to set that up, so much swag on this page already its dripping.
I am going to tell you now, I am writing a novel. It might be two novels but I'm trying to work it as one. One story of the novel follows a group of heisters in a futuresque setting, not quite cyberpunk but some elements of it just a not so distant future megalopolis situation, a rag tag group of outcasts go for one more score to settle there own. This story was born out of the second story that will be the A story that follows not the main guy from the group, but a character from the group who gets caught in the heist but still plays a crucial part in jail while also going through his own tribulaitons trying to figure his way through the system, which in this future is less strict but more punishing, if that's the right way to put it. The government is like a boss that doesn't micromanage, because they make such an example out of the bad apples it's deterrent enough. So that's the idea. I have two seperate openings one with the group and one with the solo. I've been trying to figure out how I want to fit the beginnings and whose I want to start with. Now I know I won't start in the middle then huge flashbakc, but, I might start in the middle, with a bit of flashback. Not quite a tarantino movie with the jumping around, but a bit of that as well. Just to keep the story spicy. It reminds me of the scene in The Other Guys when David Ershon describes how he's going to tell the story about how he laundered his money, or whatever it was (pretty sure it was that).
Ok it's 10:37 now, I think I'm gonna go get some coffee and some toast or something. Something to get the day started, might keep writing after we'll see.